Wednesday, January 1, 2014

I have experienced.......

I have been battered and bruised
Molested and raped
Talked about, lied too, and accused of things that didn't happen
I have lied, cheated, and talked about others as well
I have seen things I wish I hadn't
I have done things I wish I didn't
I experienced things I would wish upon no one
I had hate and anger directed at me
I have held in anger and resentment directed towards myself as well
I am guilty of treating myself far worse than anyone ever could
And this was reflected upon me from others
I have stolen, I have been stolen from
I have been a mean, and angry person
I have been ignored, misunderstood and cast aside
I've been treated mean, yelled at, and been called names
Including and especially from those who claimed they loved me
I have yelled, been mean to, and called names to those I know I loved
I have used alcohol as my escape, I have used anti depressants
I suffered anxiety attacks, and felt like I was going crazy
I made friends, and lost friends, I had relationships and left them as well
I was terrified of intimacy and more terrified of letting anyone in
I have experienced feelings of fear, shame and guilt
I have experienced failure, success, and stopped dead in my tracks and never tried at all
And, through it all I never stopped going and searching within for all my answers
And have never stopped questioning what was it all for
I experienced death that truly led me to the life within
I made some changes from the negative to the more positive
And then miraculously
but far from perfect while remaining in learning
I developed diseases
That I am so very grateful for
I never lost sight of God or the faith that dwells within
I am not separate from anyone, nor am I better than anyone
I simply chose a path, a journey, that's perfect for me and I want to share it with everyone
I may be alone and just one person but we are powerful beyond measure
Enlightenment is a personal journey that must be ventured out on our own
On my own
I am not in search of the perfect person however, I am destined to become my souls longing
I share openly my down falls, and reveal the things I am choosing to change when I find these same things are no longer working in my life.
We are all perfect just the way we are, perfect in just the right place we may be finding ourselves, perfect, complete and whole whatever weight, job, lack thereof, with or without a car, a home, or income we are perfect. Even with or without a relationship, with or without  those things we feel we lack, with or without a healthy attitude.
I scanned my own life, and made necessary changes of the things I didn't feel comfortable with
What were those blocks we were led to believe that kept us from our own happiness? The belief that we had blocks at all.....There are none.
My shadows or my things I viewed as negative were partly how I had survived some difficult times, and I was still living and reacting. Everyday is a new opportunity for learning, and I am participating, engaging, joining, starting and revealing, growing and will share it with everyone to the best of my ability
Today I am filled with so much love for myself, my life, my body, my choices, and it overflows from within, I am still a work in progress and I enjoy sharing my journey with others. Today I am alcohol free and no longer need anxiety pills~
If I can heal anyone can
Today, tomorrow and always...

Xoxo by Antoinette

There is no suffering for the one
who has completed the journey,
who is freed from sorrow,
who has freed oneself on all sides,
who has thrown off all chains. - Buddha

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